Ron Eachus

Are you getting nervous?

I admit I am. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson says I should sleep well at night but when President Trump starts talking about unleashing fire and fury like the world has never seen if North Korea even utters another threat, I get nervous.

It didn’t help that he doubled down on his comments the next day and then a few days later even spouted off about possible military action in Venezuela. It doesn’t help he sounds more like North Korea’s supreme leader every day.

It doesn’t help knowing that his favorability ratings are in the low 30s, because there’s nothing like a war against an evil enemy to get people to rally around you and get your numbers up.

It doesn’t help that Trump can act before Congress can intervene.

It happens that when Trump, not known for being a good listener, gets boisterous and bellicose in what could evolve into nuclear confrontation, I get nervous that he’s oblivious to consequences and in need of serious intervention. So I imagine a version of the proverbial 3 a.m. phone call:

“Hello! Do you know what time it is? Is this an emergency?”

“It is. Donald, this is God. I needed to reach you before you started tweeting again this morning.”

“Oh my god, God. I thought I might hear from you. I had 100 evangelical Christian leaders, wonderful people, just wonderful, over last month. They called me a biblical miracle, prayed for me. Is this about the eclipse? Anne Graham Lotz, Bill Graham’s daughter, said it might be a sign of coming punishment for our sins, like allowing transgenders in the military.”

“No Donald, any scientist, if you’d ever listen to them, will tell you the eclipse was planned a long, long time ago, well before anyone knew what the state of the world would be when it happens….No, this is about you’re irresponsible comments about power unlike the world has even seen. It didn’t help that you said it while the world was commemorating the dropping of the A-bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.”

“You should talk to Kim then.”

No. There are no communications channels open, but that’s not new. I’m not on his contact list…Anyway this is about you, Donald. Your not having a calming effect. Your comments aren’t bringing the nation together.  Youre starting to sound like Kim. You’re playing into his hands and it makes people nervous that you might be talking yourselves into war by threatening each other over threats.”

“I’m not worried. We’re prepared. I’ve got missile defense systems in Guam.”

“You mean the one’s installed during the Obama administration.”

“Well, it’s mine now.”

“Donald, remember who you are talking to. This isn’t Fox News on the other end of the line.”

“But I like talking tough. It makes me feel good. I like threatening people, and now I have big guns, real guns, beautiful guns and  big bombs – not just lawyers.”

“Donald, I’m serious. Stop it. War isn’t a solution and your loose talk is escalating tensions and risking another war under a nuclear cloud. You think your tough? Trust me, you don’t want to piss me off.  Remember no one knows more about condemning people to fire and fury than I do.”

“Uh, can I ask you something? Can you appear as a woman as well as a man?”

“I can, and often do”

“Wow, I bet you’re  a real babe…

“Don’t go there Donald! Focus.”